Let Me Clarify This ...

*Bonnet tip to Ceridwen for the title of this post. It was just too appropriate*

Let me begin by making one clarification. I want to be sure everyone knows that I do not think that it's wrong to get help, ask for help, offer help, lend help .... I am not an anti-help person. I do believe that people nowadays feel the need for more help than in previous generations, but I have a theory on why that is so -- which is not the subject of this post, so let's just not go there. Also I tend to be a very independent person, and people who ask for lots of help when I believe them capable if doing things on their own irritate me. This is probably very judgmental of me, I'm sorry. I have little patience in this area. However, I was not in my previous post trying to discourage people from getting help or asking for help. Or asking something of me. My point was this: help isn't someone else doing things for you, it's someone showing you the way so that you can do it for yourself.

Something I remind myself of a lot lately is that nobody ever starts out doing housework perfectly or having a perfect school schedule. When you see someone who is successful in a particular area, it is probably because that area is of relative importance to them, and they have worked hard to get where they are.

For quite awhile I have been searching for a system that would take care of the constant mess that is a room multi-tasking as a bedroom to three boys, a playroom to three boys, and a schoolroom to two of the three boys. You know the conclusion before I even say it. There is no system that will take care of this. I could try every system known to mankind and it would not work. Why? Because not one person in our family is in the habit -- again I repeat THE HABIT -- of putting things away right away. I finally realized that this was our problem about a week ago. This is definitely something that I don't think you can teach your kids unless you lead by example. Unless you have a child that just LIKES to clean up after themselves. (And if you do, I don't wish to know about it. Thank you!). I don't think this is one of those do-this-for-30-days-and-you've-created-a-new-habit kind of habit. I think it's more like teaching you're kids to not interrupt. It's going to be a continual thing. For years. Perhaps until they're adults. It's rather exhausting to think about it that way, but it's better than becoming frustrated and angry with them because they haven't "gotten it" yet. I think this habit is good for them. It's good for me, and I like the results. But it's good for them too.

The habit I am working on now in addition to putting things away immediately, is having an evening routine. It includes the pajama, teeth brushing typical getting ready for bed stuff, but also includes setting out clothes for the next day. This is important for me because I tend to save all these things until I am so tired that I don't really care I get them done or not. So I am giving myself a time and a list, which are the evening routine tasks. This is still under construction. Meaning I'm working on it and I'm not very good at it yet. And since I am about at the tired point where I start to not care about those things, I will end here and just go get them done.

Self Discipline

Organization has always been a hobby of mine -- that is not to say that I'm even moderately organized, it's just something that I have enjoyed doing when I have free time (before kids), and now wish I had more time to do. Recently I have despaired at how unorganized I am, while all this time I've been telling myself that I must be reasonably organized because I *just like* organizing so much. But I have come to the conclusion that this area of life is no different than any other in that necessity is the mother of invention. Over the years and with reading emails from FlyLady off and on over the last year and a half I have established three habits. Now if I had known that it would take me so long to actually make these things habits I would have been mortified. This was my pride. Guilty of thinking myself above such a lack of self discipline. Me??? I've always been highly motivated. But isn't it easy to be motivated to do those things you like to do? Isn't it convenient to put off things that we dont enjoy till tomorrow or next week or next ... ? Can we change the subject?

As I was saying, necessity is the mother of invention. And that is how I am establishing these habits amidst the chaos of daily life. I believe that these sorts of things have to be mostly figured out on your own. I mean obviously I have benefitted from some help - namely from FlyLady and also Peter Walsh - and there are the Buried Alive types who need more help than the average person. BUT. There is no system out there that is going to fit your lifestyle to a T. Everybody's personality is different, everybody's situation is different. The constant(s) are philosophy and principles. "I always put my things away that I may find them another day." You cannot expect a random system to know how often your children will run out of clean underwear, or can take into account the homeschooling aspect. At least nothing I have seen can. And nothing I have seen claims to be able to do so. But I see so often people (at times myself included) just wanting to be told "how to do it". Here we live in the United States of America, where we are free to live our lives and we just want someone to tell us what to do. I'm sorry, but I think it's pathetic. I can't imagine Susanna Wesley or Harriet Tubman or Laura Ingalls Wilder's Ma or William Wallace or Queen Victoria asking someone, "just tell me what to do, just tell me how". How does anyone figure it out? They try. They fail. They try and they try and they try again. They take responsibility for their lives and face it head on. I think so many times we ask for help because it's easier to blame someone else when we fail or things don't work out the way we thought it would.

Maybe soon I'll post about my established habits. Sorry to rant. Kinda.

Giving Thanks

We had a nice Thanksgiving. Busy. Split between families (which we're planning to do away with -- the splitting part, not the families). My sisters and I went to the outlet malls for Black Friday. Usually we get there at midnight, but this year we decided to go early as some stores were opening as early as 9:00. I got some really great deals including a $250 Pottery Barn quilt for Josie for $32 and a $70 Timberland coat for James for $20. That was exciting.

In other news we are moving in January. This is, ultimately, good news but at the same time overwhelming. First off, packing. And with packing comes an enormous amount of cleaning out and decluttering. Then there are children. Moving with children is a different animal from regular moving. Inevitably, everything you organize gets gotten into, and everything that needs to be discarded is a treasure of sorts. I feel like I really must clean out a good deal, and I have actually been pleased with the progress I've made.

However, the week before Thanksgiving we finished a lot of school. I have been pushing (myself) hard to get caught up with Joel by year's end. But two weeks ago, I completely lost all steam. I kept having panic attacks over nothing, and trying not to have panic attacks about the really important things. Is was just a complete oh-my-word-I-can't-do-this-anymore about everything. Enter: the thought of moving. Result: mental and emotional roller coaster.

I had not planned on such a holiday break from school, I felt I couldn't afford to take a break. But what's done is done. We've had a two week break. I needed to reassess. At first I didn't think I could pack and do school, but I have found a balance I hope. With the good progress we've made since August I think we shall still be able to finish the main books I had planned for us to finish, and just a few to finish during the *unpacking*.

I am also trying to get rid of the ironing pile before we move. I am listening to a couple of chapters of Withering Heights off of Librivox each time I iron. I have never read it before, and it's been great. I've also started reading The Help, and a Cesar Milan book as a refresher since I haven't read any on the subject (dogs) since our black lab, Raven, was a puppy.

And I think Jack wants to learn to read.

And it came to pass ...

I'm up while everyone else in the house is asleep. They're all tucked away, and I'm up waiting on the cinnamon rolls I baked for breakfast to cool so I can put them away and go to bed. When I'm up late (this, of course, is only relatively late) I sometimes begin to think of the days of having newborns. Translation: being up at all and any times of the night. Since I do not have to do that these days, I am thinking of my friends who may be up. If you're awake, dear friends, I am thinking of you.

You may or may not want it to, but this too shall pass.

Farmer Boy

Warning: If you read Farmer Boy to your sons, they may want to become farmers. Joel now wants to be a farmer. And he is practicing for it. He has planted a fall "crop".

Beets.

Thus the younger brothers wanted to plant something too. James at first thought cabbage until he saw turnips.

And we have kept Jack's violet plant alive, which I think is something to be proud of. I have an extra pot that I think he'll plant something edible in.

Go Dog, Go!

Jack: Hello, and now do you like my hat?
Me, trying to play along: No, I do not like your hat.
Jack: Yes you do!

Current Favorite Picture

Reading

I have been reading instead of blogging. I have a lot that I want to write about, but sometimes it's a little too laborious to write a post from my iPhone. I'm not complaining, I'm just sayin'.

I finished The Man Who Was Thursday. I thought it was fantastic. And fantastical. I would like to read more Chesterton in the future.

Joel and I both finished Brighty. It was very enjoyable. I loved the reaction if the librarian when we checked it out of the library, "Oh, I LOVE this book! I read this book over and over when I was a little girl! And now I have a donkey of my own!". I thought it was great for the boys to see the librarian get so excited about their books.

I recently subscribed to receive emails from the CiCLE Institute. The last email had a commentary on reading written by Andrew Kern. I thought I'd share it, as I found it profound.

On Reading
By Andrew Kern

Reading is an extraordinarily complicated intellectual act, which leads some people to think that it can only be taught by experts. In this it parallels, motherhood. However, both reading and motherhood are both too complex for experts for the simple reason that expertise implies that you have identified the way things work regardless of context.

The expert fails at both reading and motherhood because he looks in the wrong place. I will focus on reading. Reading has to do with the soul engaging and grasping the idea (logos) of a text, not remembering the content that embodies the idea. But because we are culturally opposed to the soul and to the logos, we focus our attention on very limited faculties like critical thinking and, to a much lesser extent, memory.

The goal of reading is apprehension. Beyond a few very general ideas, I’m not sure anybody has come close to comprehending how we go about apprehending when we read. I suspect that much of our reading instruction makes students to self-conscious to be conscious of the text.

That is why the best way to teach reading, after students have learned to decode, is by engaging in debates about the text read.

Sometimes, especially on a first read, the idea is better grasped (or maybe felt is a better word to use) through a quick read than through a close analysis. You don’t want to give premature attention to detail and comprehension. First, you simply want to encounter the text as what it is.

Apprehension comes later. I don’t think you can apprehend anything on a first read. The mind has too much work to do to grasp the idea embodied in a text in one or two reads, especially if the text is worth reading.

What to do then? Stop worrying about reading comprehension and attend instead to the point of the story or text. How do you do that? If it’s a story, discuss whether a character should have done something or what will be/are the consequences of a decision made. Then argue about it, using the text to answer the question. If it’s non-fiction, identify the point and discuss whether the author is right – or even comprehensible.

Then let the discussion go. You’ll find out something marvelous: reading is not eyes scanning symbols on a page, it is souls conversing over ideas.

So Sad

I have no pictures of the cake. None. Not one. I do have a video of us singing to Jack and him blowing out his candles, which I may be able to upload by some feat of technology other than this beloved phone.

So sorry. It was very cute.

G K Chesterton

I don't know why I always do this, but I always find about 3 books to bring home from the library and try to read them. When am I going to read these books??? My latest temptation was The Man Who was Thursday by GK Chesterton. I have never read Chesterton or even heard of him until about 5 or so years ago. But whenever I hear him spoken of, I feel as if I must go immediately and read something he has written. So while I was at the library on Saturday, I went perusing, and found two of his works, one of which was The Man Who was Thursday. It was thin, so I felt it was safe to check out.

I am halfway through already.

I have recommended it to none other than my FATHER. And it begins with a POEM.

I really wish this blogger app offered such options as italic and bold, because the all-caps just doesn't cut it.

In other news, James is finishing his ninth week of first grade. It is flying by! And Jack is turning 4 tomorrow! No! It cannot be true!!!

Cake pictures following the weekend.

Caramel Apples

My mom helped my boys make caramel apples last week, here are some pictures. They were delicious but we weren't completely satisfied with the caramel, so no recipe is included. But you can find one online and try it out yourself. It was very simple to do. Beware of extreme sugar high followed by EXTREME sugar low. :) Happy Fall, everybody!

Commitment

I am about half way through Parents and Children by Charlotte Mason. It has been just the right thing for me right now. With subjects such as "parents as inspirers" and "faith and duty", did I mention PARENTS AS INSPIRERS????!!!!! With such subjects discussed, it has been amazing. Really! It has brought so much focus and clarity to my thinking, with regards to education. It's just philosophy, philosophy, philosophy, and I love it. But then it's practical application after practical application. She speaks of the evidence with validates her philosophy to be true, and which I know to be true from my own experience, and which I see evidenced in my children.

I am attempting to retain as much as I can from what I'm reading. I'm not so great at narrating, though. I mean sure, I could narrate Pilgrim's Progress or Our Island Story or Pagoo, but we're talking about a completely different level here. The reason I know that I do do poorly at narrating CM is because I will try to tell Jason about something. Note the word "try". He answers with blank looks and answers such as, "ok, that's the most vague thing I've ever heard".

Sigh.

So I am committing right here, right now, to answer the questions in the appendix when I am finished reading Parents and Children. I mean answer the questions here on my blog. I have never gone through the appendices of CM's books because I was way too intimidated by the questions. But this will force me to clearly articulate what I have learned.

Current Books

I am reading five books right now. I think five is a good amount to keep going as I am not usually in the mood to read the same book night after night. Perhaps it's the Charlotte Mason mental feast thing rubbing off on me. Heh heh. Or maybe I don't see the need to discipline myself into finishing one book before beginning another. Whatever it is, that's just how it is with me right now. Along with CM's Volume 2, I am reading The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer, the Something or Other of Motherhood ... Meaning? Method? It's a Sally Clarkson book I have been reading bits of for months now. So those are the grown up books I'm reading. Definitely each of them need to be savored. I don't think any of them would benefit me at all if I just read them cover to cover. They require Thinking.

So now that Joel is beginning Ambleside Online Year 3, I am finally through the Year 1 free read list. Until now, I have read all the free reads aloud. But at the last visit to the Library I picked up Brighty of the Grand Canyon by Marguerite Henry for Joel to read himself. I have him read two chapters a day (they are short chapters), at separate times. Since I have never read the book, I have been reading several chapters at night a few nights a week so I can stay ahead of him. It's a great book, and I'm glad I chose this one for him to read. I also checked out Five Children and It by Edith Nesbit. I plan to have Joel read it when he's done with Brighty. It Is a completely different flavor (from Brighty), and is quite delightful. It has longer chapters, and I am slowly working through them. I never thought I'd be staying up late reading children's books, but I am! Five Little Peppers and How They Grew is what I am reading to the boys at night, with Poems and Verses for Children interspersed. I am finding that reading children's literature while I have children is helping me. It reminds me of my own childhood, my own feelings as a child, and also to have more reasonable expectations of my children. To remember what's important.

Oh yeah, the Sally Clarkson book is The Mission of Motherhood.

Current Favorite Picture

Beautiful Weather

Right now I am working on a system of regular Bible reading, and regular Nature Study. I would love to do the Outdoor Hour Challenge. The only thing keeping me from being able to do it is the no Internet issue. I want to be able to go to the Library weekly -- ALONE -- with the laptop and get what I need to get, download what I need to download, etc., etc., etc. Again I say, I am working on a system. The key is not seeing all the things I cannot do right now and wishing I could be doing those things. It blinds one from seeing what one CAN be doing. If nothing else, we are spending more time outdoors.... The weather has been heavenly!

A New Beginning. Maybe.

After what seems ages of bemoaning the fact that I have no Internet, I finally had the thought that surely someone in this great Age of Blogging had come up with a way for those of us who have need to, to blog from their iDevice of choice. And they have. And there are options. Thankfully there is a free option among them!

Although I am quite aware that no one will probably read this as all have given up on this blog ever being updated, I do not great hopes of a large following. It is only the accountability of Cyberspace that I *keep telling myself* that I need. However, I don't always tell myself the truth (yes, I have been known to lie to myself) I may end up falling off the bandwagon again as we may find that this option is really not a viable one at this time. But let's not give up before we have begun. Again.